Tuesday, December 30, 2008

WHAT ARE YOU SUFFERING FROM?

Here are some of the syndromes i have seen among people i have come across (including me ofcourse!)Read on and try to figure out your category.
  • OCD- Obsessive Compliment me Disorder (And the award goes to Ms. Aditi Chaturvedi.Any competitors out there?)
  • AIDS-Avoid Intelligent Discussion Syndrome(A certain Sara Palin must be suffering from it,specially after making so many 'intelligent' statements.
  • CANCER-Critisize And Negate the Competent,Efficient and the Rich (Ever overheard a conversation between the paan-chewing baabus?)
  • SARS-Sadism Accompanying Rejoice Syndrome (Its wonderful sometimes to indulge in some guilty pleasures.)
  • STD-Show Tantrums and Displeasure (Is Karnataka CM reading my blog?)
  • SCID-Severely Corrupted Indian Denziens (All of us who just sit back in our homes and blame the politicians for all the mishappenings)
  • MPD- Machinating and Plotting Disorder ( Kindly congratulate Ms. Ekta Kapoor and all her scriptwriters for this one.They have a disorder and they are encashing on it!God bless me with such a disorder....)
  • RABIES- Revile And Blemish the Innocent,Earnest and the Sagacious(What are you thinking Mr. Antulay?)
  • TETANUS-Tell Everyone That our Adjoining Neighbours are Useless Skunks( The media of both the countries and ofcourse a lot of organizations are suffering from it, who just love to propogate the 'HATE YOUR NEIGHBOUR' policy)
  • POLIO-Pricks Of Liquid Income Outflow (Ouch,this one hurts!)

So the qusetion remains....what are you suffering from?

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

BROKEN!

I met with an accident this Sunday, and it seemed to have changed my life all of a sudden. It was a big eye-opener…it persuaded me to reconsider a hundred thousand things….to reconsider the way I take my life for granted, the way I take people around me for granted, specially the people who love me the most. That day sitting at the hospital, I could see the endless pain my father’s eye, something I had never seen before, as if he was trying to tell me, it’s not you who is broken, but it is my trust that you can take care of yourself that is broken. I never ever want to see that expression on his face again. The fallouts that followed the incident were worse….my family having lost their faith in me, my friends trying to make me understand things, people playing the blame game, it was all too much for me to take. But sitting here today I write this post for all those who have suffered because of me and my attitude towards life. Broken trusts and friendships, I know I can’t bring all that back now. Sometimes in life we become so blindfolded about things that we love and run after, that we forget to see in what ways is it corrupting us……and at the end of it all, we never find the things we were actually running after, because it was never ours anyway, but we end up becoming something that we were actually not. So one fine day when we realize that a wild goose chase has done us no good, it has infact consumed all our energy and vibrancy, it has made us do bad to people who actually cared, who were there with us all along, but we never noticed them because we took them for granted in this maddening chase, we realize that they all have already moved too far, and you are left with nothing, no energy, vibrancy or trust from people who actually cared. So what do you do then? Apologize to people whom you have hurt badly? That won’t be the solution I guess…..the best thing possible that could be done now is to pave the way that you broke while running, putting each stone step by step, making sure that nobody ever falls again from the road of trust that you have built. And maybe that would be the best thing that you could do for people who actually cared.

I faltered a thousand times in the things I did,
A hundred thousand things I told and hid.
I am sorry for the pains I have caused,
For the trust of people I have blindly tossed,
But I get up today and try to heal the burn,
I today realize the lesson that people wanted me to learn,
I am glad they are still there despite what I have done,
I know now what I need to abjure and shun.

Friday, August 29, 2008

KABHI KHUD PE HANSAA MAIN,AUR KABHI KHUD PE ROYA!

#When people remind me that i am turning 24 this year,and i shouldn't be staring at guys younger than me,that most of them are!
#When my boss gets didactic.
#When i am supposed to wear only suits to my office.
#When my tailor stitches suits like the ones Jassi used to wear.
#When my beautician drops burning hot wax on me and say 'Oops!I am sorry!' with an apologetic smile while my skin takes it out on me by popping up a boil.
#When my pimples refuse to go away even when i am way past 18,even when i tried all the remedies from Lactocalamine to the ones that aunts suggest.
#When my male friends gawk at a hot female passing by giving that 'Oh!You look so hot look' glare while they never even spare a second look,even if i manage to look like Marlyn Monroe(Just as a matter of speaking that Monroe thing!)
#When the autowaala and Rickshawaalas eve-tease me.
#When i meet my old flame and he manages to look better than last time.
#When i meet my old flame and i inevitably look worse than the last time.
#When i have to go to the loo in my office where there aren't any other female workers.(It stinks man!)
#When my friends tell me how caring and loving their boyfriends are or any of my single friends gets a boyfriend.
#At the thought of an arranged marriage.
#When my friend tells me that i had the worst hair-cut ever.
#When i badly want to doze off but can't beacuse my boss is around.
#When my friend invariably knocks me down on all the discussions that we hold.
#When my father lectures me on time management and systematic investment plan.
#When i have just 100 bucks left in my bank account.
#When i want to grab a drink but can't beacuse i stay at home.
#When i somehow manage to perform an act that remotely resembles dancing while my friends show me the grooviest of moves.
#When my 2 year old niece tells me that i shouldn't wear a particular dress beacuse its too tight.
#When i am on a 'Oh so perfect date' and my brother calls me up and gives me those warnings to come back at once.
#When the psychos who are behind my life refuse to undersatnd that i am NOT INTERESTED in them.
PS-Hope they are reading and understanding!
#When my bus driver becomes hellbent to make me listen to worst songs on FM.
#When i see that my hairfall rate is 10 times faster than my aging process.
#When i go to get my eyebrows and upperlips plucked and end up looking like Amol Palekar in the movie Golmaal.
#When my mother tells me about my another prospective groom(Yup,all that ends up in the prospective stage,while my mother prepares herself to get yet another BEST guy for me)
And what do i do when all these things bang my head????
Well,i listen to the song-KAbhi khud pe hansaa main,aur kabhi........................

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

EXPLAINING THE WATER CYCLE

Another dull day,by afternoon i was wishing desperately that it ends soon.I checked my mailbox-no mails from any job site...no replies from whereever i had applied!Depressed???No..Bored...Yes!So i thought of doing something different.My 'baai' whom i hardly talk to....was surprised to see that i can actually talk to people around me!I don't know whether she was being inquisitive or sarcastic...but after much contemplation she asked me-"Aaj aapke friends computer par nahee aaye kya??"I thought i'll enlighten her with the whole funda of net and how has it changed our lives.....but as i was giving it a thought to tell her the impotance of net in our lives...she made her next statement-''Meri bahu se mera mera jhagdaa ho gayaa".I looked blankly at her for a long time and then i stared away...it was a bad idea after all.She studied me carefully and understood that i was no more interested in talking to her,so she quickly changed the topic...
"Aapke papa kahaan gaye hain?''-''Goa"
"Wahaan kya hai?"-''Samudra"
"Kya humlog samudra ka paani pee sakte hain?"-"Nahee"
"Kyun?''-"Kyunki wo khaara hota hai''.
"Khaare ka matlab?''-"Usme bohot namak hota hai"
"Kyun,jab namak khaa sakte hain,to namak waala paani kyun nahee pee sakte?"-(thinking for a while)-"Kyunki usmein kaafi zyaada namak hota hai....wo bhi humlog sirf shudh namak khaate hain....usmein kaafi tarah ke namak hote hain!"
"Haan,maine Nirma shudh namak ka add dekha hai,jiska daana daana ek samaan hota hai!'
"Par kya humlog baarish ka paani nahee pee sakte?"-"Aisee kya zaroorat aa gayee,ki tum baarish ka paani peene ke baare mein sochne lageen?"
"Nahee,aise he"...-"Haan,pee sakti ho!"
"Par baadal to samudra ke paani se he bante hain,to humlog baarish ka paani kaise pee sakte hain?"-(Wondering,how did she manage to question me so much!)
"Nahee,sirf samudra nahee,nadee aur taalaab ke paani se bhi baadal bante hain,aur samudra se sirf paani udtaa hai,uske saath namak nahee"
"Namak kyun nahee udtaa"-(Yaar isko evapouration ka funda kaise samjhaaun!)
"Namak bhaari hota hai,ud nahee paata,jaise chidiya halki hoti hai,ud paati hai,insaan bhaari hota hai,ud nahee paata"-(I mean i even didn't know what was i saying!)
Looking absolutely convinced-"Waah,matlab baarish ka paani pee sakte hain!''
"Tum baarish ka paani peene ke liye inti utsuk kyun ho?"-"Wo mera apni bahu se is baat ko lekar jhagdaa ho rahaa tha ki roz paani bharke kaun laayega-abhi baarish ka mausam hai,socha kaun jhig-jhig kare,baarish aayegi to baalti bahaar he rakh denge!''
"Lagta hai net par mere friends aa gaye,chalti hun!''

Monday, July 14, 2008

THE BACK BENCHERS!

Here goes a poem for all the people who celebrate being back benchers...(People like me that is!)
From the time i remember i was always a back bencher,
But i was happy sitting there because i was never a knowledge quencher.
Sleeping,dozing,yawning,snoring,
I just sat through all the classes that were obviously boring.
The teachers were like the louse that bit my head,
And through all the classes i was more lifeless than the dead.
Whatever was taught was greek and latin,
All i could think of was a bed covered with satin.
The lecturers tried to improve me but their efforts went in vain,
I kept on wondering why did they even bother to take the unnecessary pain.
Thankfully i have people around who are just like me,
Even they ask for permission all the time to go and pee.
We are happy as long as we are out of the lecturer's sight,
And with keypads under our fingers we message with all our might..
Sometimes we try to change and try to concentrate hard,
But our zeal to do nothing at all becomes our saving guard.
So we come back soon to our normal mode,
And never try to decipher again the DaVinci's code.
The day is approaching when we will never have to sit through those classes again,
The day when we will never have to suffer this torturous pain.
But we will miss the pleasure of doing nothing at all,
No one bothering to teach us and no one to make an attendance call,
So be proud if you sit in the last bench,
Because it is a pleasure no knowledge could quench.

WHEN YOU DO NOTHING AT ALL

What makes me(and many more like me) write a blog????Well,let's see
*I couldn't logon to my previous blog......(for reasons i can't comprehend....'coz obviously i suck at problems like these!Some dumbness there..)
*I have got nothing better to do......(I wrote to one of my friends-The gravity inside a human that pulls him to do nothing at all is more than all the opposing motivational factors...Know what?He even liked it!Some philosophy there..)
*I think my previous blog really sucked.....My blog was visited only 300 times in past one year-out of which i visited it 180 times!(Oh comeon,what were you thinking???I personally thought my blog was the best than the rest!Some admiration there..)
*I have no friends left in my city.....(Some misery there..)
*One of my friends who is just as free as i am(i am not sure though,but she is also online most of the times) has a boyfriend and she prefers to chat with him for reasons more than obvious...(some bitching there..)
*While i stay at home and not sit infront of my PC,i keep on bumping on my niece who is 2 year old and she beats me up with whatever she has .....like a plastic bat,her dolls from whom the clothes have been ripped off,or worse,she makes me listen to her nursery rhymes that keep on haunting me even in my dreams...(Some misfortune there)
*To skip the endless lecture session that my father gives me to utilize my time....so i pretend that i am doing something really important.......like writing a blog!(Some manipulation there...)
*To utilize the time between two chat sessions on gtalk so that you give yourself an impression that you are not actually waiting online for somebody and attack him/her as soon as he/she dares to logon...(Some sarcasm there....)
*Lastly,and more importantly......to sum all this up,most of us blog 'coz we have nothing to do at all!(Lots of time there....)
If i were Ronan Keating..i would have sung out.....YOU BLOG BEST,WHEN YOU DO NOTHING AT ALL(ting,ting,ting.......){Some pathetic sense of humour there!}

WHEN YOU DO NOTHING AT ALL!